Since the server almost never goes down anymore.....

[Hobbs]

There were these, umm...  few excuses that I thought should not go to waste....

 

Some are funnier than others <_<

 

Enb Server Down Excuse #1: clock speed

Enb Server Down Excuse #2: solar flares
Enb Server Down Excuse #3: electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
Enb Server Down Excuse #4: static from nylon underwear
Enb Server Down Excuse #5: static from plastic slide rules
Enb Server Down Excuse #6: global warming
Enb Server Down Excuse #7: poor power conditioning
Enb Server Down Excuse #8: static buildup
Enb Server Down Excuse #9: doppler effect
Enb Server Down Excuse #10: hardware stress fractures
Enb Server Down Excuse #11: magnetic interferance from money/credit cards
Enb Server Down Excuse #12: dry joints on cable plug
Enb Server Down Excuse #13: we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
Enb Server Down Excuse #14: sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
Enb Server Down Excuse #15: temporary routing anomoly
Enb Server Down Excuse #16: somebody was calculating pi on the server
Enb Server Down Excuse #17: fat electrons in the lines
Enb Server Down Excuse #18: excess surge protection
Enb Server Down Excuse #19: floating point processor overflow
Enb Server Down Excuse #20: divide-by-zero error
Enb Server Down Excuse #21: POSIX complience problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #22: monitor resolution too high
Enb Server Down Excuse #23: improperly oriented keyboard
Enb Server Down Excuse #24: network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)
Enb Server Down Excuse #25: Decreasing electron flux
Enb Server Down Excuse #26: first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
Enb Server Down Excuse #27: radiosity depletion
Enb Server Down Excuse #28: CPU radiator broken
Enb Server Down Excuse #29: It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #30: positron router malfunction
Enb Server Down Excuse #31: cellular telephone interference
Enb Server Down Excuse #32: techtonic stress
Enb Server Down Excuse #33: pizeo-electric interference
Enb Server Down Excuse #34: (l)user error
Enb Server Down Excuse #35: working as designed
Enb Server Down Excuse #36: dynamic software linking table corrupted
Enb Server Down Excuse #37: heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
Enb Server Down Excuse #38: secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
Enb Server Down Excuse #39: terrorist activities
Enb Server Down Excuse #40: not enough memory, go get system upgrade
Enb Server Down Excuse #41: interrupt configuration error
Enb Server Down Excuse #42: spaghetti cable cause packet failure
Enb Server Down Excuse #43: boss forgot system password
Enb Server Down Excuse #44: bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged
Enb Server Down Excuse #45: virus attack, luser responsible
Enb Server Down Excuse #46: waste water tank overflowed onto computer
Enb Server Down Excuse #47: Complete Transient Lockout
Enb Server Down Excuse #48: bad ether in the cables
Enb Server Down Excuse #49: Bogon emissions
Enb Server Down Excuse #50: Change in Earth's rotational speed
Enb Server Down Excuse #51: Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
Enb Server Down Excuse #52: Smell from unhygenic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
Enb Server Down Excuse #53: Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming
Enb Server Down Excuse #54: Evil dogs hypnotized the night shift
Enb Server Down Excuse #55: Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
Enb Server Down Excuse #56: Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
Enb Server Down Excuse #57: Groundskeepers stole the root password
Enb Server Down Excuse #58: high pressure system failure
Enb Server Down Excuse #59: failed trials, system needs redesigned
Enb Server Down Excuse #60: system has been recalled
Enb Server Down Excuse #61: not approved by the FCC
Enb Server Down Excuse #62: need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #63: not properly grounded, please bury computer
Enb Server Down Excuse #64: CPU needs recalibration
Enb Server Down Excuse #65: system needs to be rebooted
Enb Server Down Excuse #66: bit bucket overflow
Enb Server Down Excuse #67: descramble code needed from software company
Enb Server Down Excuse #68: only available on a need to know basis
Enb Server Down Excuse #69: knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
Enb Server Down Excuse #70: nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
Enb Server Down Excuse #71: The file system is full of it
Enb Server Down Excuse #72: Satan did it
Enb Server Down Excuse #73: Daemons did it
Enb Server Down Excuse #74: You're out of memory
Enb Server Down Excuse #75: There isn't any problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #76: Unoptimized hard drive
Enb Server Down Excuse #77: Typo in the code
Enb Server Down Excuse #78: Yes, yes, its called a desgin limitation
Enb Server Down Excuse #79: Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
Enb Server Down Excuse #80: That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
Enb Server Down Excuse #81: Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
Enb Server Down Excuse #82: Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
Enb Server Down Excuse #83: Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
Enb Server Down Excuse #84: Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causeing a kink in the cable
Enb Server Down Excuse #85: Windows 95 undocumented "feature"
Enb Server Down Excuse #86: Runt packets
Enb Server Down Excuse #87: Password is too complex to decrypt
Enb Server Down Excuse #88: Boss' kid fucked up the machine
Enb Server Down Excuse #89: Electromagnetic energy loss
Enb Server Down Excuse #90: Budget cuts
Enb Server Down Excuse #91: Mouse chewed through power cable
Enb Server Down Excuse #92: Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware™!)
Enb Server Down Excuse #93: Feature not yet implimented
Enb Server Down Excuse #94: Internet outage
Enb Server Down Excuse #95: Pentium FDIV bug
Enb Server Down Excuse #96: Vendor no longer supports the product
Enb Server Down Excuse #97: Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
Enb Server Down Excuse #98: The vendor put the bug there.
Enb Server Down Excuse #99: SIMM crosstalk.
Enb Server Down Excuse #100: IRQ dropout
Enb Server Down Excuse #101: Collapsed Backbone
Enb Server Down Excuse #102: Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
Enb Server Down Excuse #103: operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
Enb Server Down Excuse #104: backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
Enb Server Down Excuse #105: UPS interrupted the server's power
Enb Server Down Excuse #106: The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
Enb Server Down Excuse #107: The keyboard isn't plugged in
Enb Server Down Excuse #108: The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
Enb Server Down Excuse #109: The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
Enb Server Down Excuse #110: The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
Enb Server Down Excuse #111: The salesman drove over the CPU board.
Enb Server Down Excuse #112: The monitor is plugged into the serial port
Enb Server Down Excuse #113: Root nameservers are out of sync
Enb Server Down Excuse #114: electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
Enb Server Down Excuse #115: your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
Enb Server Down Excuse #116: the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
Enb Server Down Excuse #117: the printer thinks its a router.
Enb Server Down Excuse #118: the router thinks its a printer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #119: evil hackers from Serbia.
Enb Server Down Excuse #120: we just switched to FDDI.
Enb Server Down Excuse #121: halon system went off and killed the operators.
Enb Server Down Excuse #122: because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.
Enb Server Down Excuse #123: user to computer ratio too high.
Enb Server Down Excuse #124: user to computer ration too low.
Enb Server Down Excuse #125: we just switched to Sprint.
Enb Server Down Excuse #126: it has Intel Inside
Enb Server Down Excuse #127: Sticky bits on disk.
Enb Server Down Excuse #128: Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
Enb Server Down Excuse #129: The ring needs another token
Enb Server Down Excuse #130: new management
Enb Server Down Excuse #131: telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
Enb Server Down Excuse #132: SCSI Chain overterminated
Enb Server Down Excuse #133: It's not plugged in.
Enb Server Down Excuse #134: because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
Enb Server Down Excuse #135: You put the disk in upside down.
Enb Server Down Excuse #136: Daemons loose in system.
Enb Server Down Excuse #137: User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
Enb Server Down Excuse #138: BNC (brain not (user brain not connected)
Enb Server Down Excuse #139: UBNC (user brain not connected)
Enb Server Down Excuse #140: LBNC (luser brain not connected)
Enb Server Down Excuse #141: disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
Enb Server Down Excuse #142: new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.
Enb Server Down Excuse #143: had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
Enb Server Down Excuse #144: Too few computrons available.
Enb Server Down Excuse #145: Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum)
Enb Server Down Excuse #146: Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
Enb Server Down Excuse #147: Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
Enb Server Down Excuse #148: Insert coin for new game
Enb Server Down Excuse #149: Dew on the telephone lines.
Enb Server Down Excuse #150: Arcserve crashed the server again.
Enb Server Down Excuse #151: Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
Enb Server Down Excuse #152: My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
Enb Server Down Excuse #153: Big to little endian conversion error
Enb Server Down Excuse #154: You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
Enb Server Down Excuse #155: Dumb terminal
Enb Server Down Excuse #156: Zombie processes haunting the computer
Enb Server Down Excuse #157: Incorrect time syncronization
Enb Server Down Excuse #158: Defunct processes
Enb Server Down Excuse #159: Stubborn processes
Enb Server Down Excuse #160: non-redundant fan failure
Enb Server Down Excuse #161: monitor VLF leakage
Enb Server Down Excuse #162: bugs in the RAID
Enb Server Down Excuse #163: no "any" key on keyboard
Enb Server Down Excuse #164: root rot
Enb Server Down Excuse #165: Backbone Scoliosis
Enb Server Down Excuse #166: /pub/lunch
Enb Server Down Excuse #167: excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
Enb Server Down Excuse #168: le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
Enb Server Down Excuse #169: broadcast packets on wrong frequency
Enb Server Down Excuse #170: popper unable to process jumbo kernel
Enb Server Down Excuse #171: NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
Enb Server Down Excuse #172: pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
Enb Server Down Excuse #173: Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
Enb Server Down Excuse #174: Backbone adjustment
Enb Server Down Excuse #175: OS swapped to disk
Enb Server Down Excuse #176: vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
Enb Server Down Excuse #177: sticktion
Enb Server Down Excuse #178: short leg on process table
Enb Server Down Excuse #179: multicasts on broken packets
Enb Server Down Excuse #180: ether leak
Enb Server Down Excuse #181: Atilla the Hub
Enb Server Down Excuse #182: endothermal recalibration
Enb Server Down Excuse #183: filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
Enb Server Down Excuse #184: loop found in loop in redundant loopback
Enb Server Down Excuse #185: system consumed all the paper for paging
Enb Server Down Excuse #186: permission denied
Enb Server Down Excuse #187: Reformatting Page. Wait...
Enb Server Down Excuse #188: ..disk or the processor is on fire.
Enb Server Down Excuse #189: SCSI's too wide.
Enb Server Down Excuse #190: Proprietary Information.
Enb Server Down Excuse #191: Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
Enb Server Down Excuse #192: runaway cat on system.
Enb Server Down Excuse #193: Did you pay the new Support Fee?
Enb Server Down Excuse #194: We only support a 1200 bps connection.
Enb Server Down Excuse #195: We only support a 28000 bps connection.
Enb Server Down Excuse #196: Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
Enb Server Down Excuse #197: I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
Enb Server Down Excuse #198: Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
Enb Server Down Excuse #199: the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
Enb Server Down Excuse #200: The monitor needs another box of pixels.
Enb Server Down Excuse #201: RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
Enb Server Down Excuse #202: kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
Enb Server Down Excuse #203: Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #204: Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
Enb Server Down Excuse #205: Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
Enb Server Down Excuse #206: Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-traficer
Enb Server Down Excuse #207: We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortuantely, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.
Enb Server Down Excuse #208: Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
Enb Server Down Excuse #209: Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
Enb Server Down Excuse #210: We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
Enb Server Down Excuse #211: Lightning strikes.
Enb Server Down Excuse #212: Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
Enb Server Down Excuse #213: Change your language to Finnish.
Enb Server Down Excuse #214: Flourescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
Enb Server Down Excuse #215: High nuclear activity in your area.
Enb Server Down Excuse #216: What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, are'nt you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
Enb Server Down Excuse #217: The MGs ran out of gas.
Enb Server Down Excuse #218: The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
Enb Server Down Excuse #219: Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.
Enb Server Down Excuse #220: Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
Enb Server Down Excuse #221: The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.
Enb Server Down Excuse #222: I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
Enb Server Down Excuse #223: The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
Enb Server Down Excuse #224: Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
Enb Server Down Excuse #225: It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.
Enb Server Down Excuse #226: A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
Enb Server Down Excuse #227: Fatal error right in front of screen
Enb Server Down Excuse #228: That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
Enb Server Down Excuse #229: wrong polarity of neutron flow
Enb Server Down Excuse #230: Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
Enb Server Down Excuse #231: We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
Enb Server Down Excuse #232: Ionisation from the air-conditioning
Enb Server Down Excuse #233: TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
Enb Server Down Excuse #234: Someone is broadcasting pigmy packets and the router dosn't know how to deal with them.
Enb Server Down Excuse #235: The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
Enb Server Down Excuse #236: Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
Enb Server Down Excuse #237: Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
Enb Server Down Excuse #238: You did wha... oh _dear_....
Enb Server Down Excuse #239: CPU needs bearings repacked
Enb Server Down Excuse #240: Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
Enb Server Down Excuse #241: _Rosin_ core solder? But...
Enb Server Down Excuse #242: Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
Enb Server Down Excuse #243: The computer fletely, mouse and all.
Enb Server Down Excuse #244: Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
Enb Server Down Excuse #245: The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
Enb Server Down Excuse #246: It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterdy) (last week) (last month)
Enb Server Down Excuse #247: Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)
Enb Server Down Excuse #248: Too much radiation coming from the soil.
Enb Server Down Excuse #249: Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
Enb Server Down Excuse #250: Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
Enb Server Down Excuse #251: Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
Enb Server Down Excuse #252: Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
Enb Server Down Excuse #253: We've run out of licenses
Enb Server Down Excuse #254: Interference from lunar radiation
Enb Server Down Excuse #255: Standing room only on the bus.
Enb Server Down Excuse #256: You need to install an RTFM interface.
Enb Server Down Excuse #257: That would be because the software doesn't work.
Enb Server Down Excuse #258: That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
Enb Server Down Excuse #259: Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.
Enb Server Down Excuse #260: We're upgrading /dev/null
Enb Server Down Excuse #261: The Usenet news is out of date
Enb Server Down Excuse #262: Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
Enb Server Down Excuse #263: It's stuck in the Web.
Enb Server Down Excuse #264: Your modem doesn't speak English.
Enb Server Down Excuse #265: The mouse escaped.
Enb Server Down Excuse #266: All of the packets are empty.
Enb Server Down Excuse #267: The UPS is on strike.
Enb Server Down Excuse #268: Neutrino overload on the nameserver
Enb Server Down Excuse #269: Melting hard drives
Enb Server Down Excuse #270: Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
Enb Server Down Excuse #271: The kernel license has expired
Enb Server Down Excuse #272: Netscape has crashed
Enb Server Down Excuse #273: The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.
Enb Server Down Excuse #274: It was OK before you touched it.
Enb Server Down Excuse #275: Bit rot
Enb Server Down Excuse #276: U.S. Postal Service
Enb Server Down Excuse #277: Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.
Enb Server Down Excuse #278: The Dilithium Cyrstals need to be rotated.
Enb Server Down Excuse #279: The static electricity routing is acting up...
Enb Server Down Excuse #280: Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.
Enb Server Down Excuse #281: The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
Enb Server Down Excuse #282: High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.
Enb Server Down Excuse #283: Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
Enb Server Down Excuse #284: Electrons on a bender
Enb Server Down Excuse #285: Telecommunications is upgrading.
Enb Server Down Excuse #286: Telecommunications is downgrading.
Enb Server Down Excuse #287: Telecommunications is downshifting.
Enb Server Down Excuse #288: Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
Enb Server Down Excuse #289: Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
Enb Server Down Excuse #290: The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
Enb Server Down Excuse #291: Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
Enb Server Down Excuse #292: We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
Enb Server Down Excuse #293: You must've hit the wrong anykey.
Enb Server Down Excuse #294: PCMCIA slave driver
Enb Server Down Excuse #295: The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
Enb Server Down Excuse #296: The hardware bus needs a new token.
Enb Server Down Excuse #297: Too many interrupts
Enb Server Down Excuse #298: Not enough interrupts
Enb Server Down Excuse #299: The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
Enb Server Down Excuse #300: Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
Enb Server Down Excuse #301: appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #302: microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system
Enb Server Down Excuse #303: fractal radiation jamming the backbone
Enb Server Down Excuse #304: routing problems on the neural net
Enb Server Down Excuse #305: IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptable-Power-Supply
Enb Server Down Excuse #306: CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
Enb Server Down Excuse #307: emissions from GSM-phones
Enb Server Down Excuse #308: CD-ROM server needs recalibration
Enb Server Down Excuse #309: firewall needs cooling
Enb Server Down Excuse #310: asynchronous inode failure
Enb Server Down Excuse #311: transient bus protocol violation
Enb Server Down Excuse #312: incompatible bit-registration operators
Enb Server Down Excuse #313: your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
Enb Server Down Excuse #314: You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
Enb Server Down Excuse #315: The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
Enb Server Down Excuse #316: Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)
Enb Server Down Excuse #317: Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.
Enb Server Down Excuse #318: Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
Enb Server Down Excuse #319: Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
Enb Server Down Excuse #320: You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
Enb Server Down Excuse #321: Scheduled global CPU outage
Enb Server Down Excuse #322: Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn of your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
Enb Server Down Excuse #323: Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
Enb Server Down Excuse #324: Your packets were eaten by the terminator
Enb Server Down Excuse #325: Your processor does not develop enough heat.
Enb Server Down Excuse #326: We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.
Enb Server Down Excuse #327: The POP server is out of Coke
Enb Server Down Excuse #328: Fiber optics caused gas main leak
Enb Server Down Excuse #329: Server depressed, needs Prozak
Enb Server Down Excuse #330: quatnum decoherence
Enb Server Down Excuse #331: those damn racoons!
Enb Server Down Excuse #332: suboptimal routing experience
Enb Server Down Excuse #333: A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
Enb Server Down Excuse #334: 50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
Enb Server Down Excuse #335: the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
Enb Server Down Excuse #336: the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer soltice
Enb Server Down Excuse #337: the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
Enb Server Down Excuse #338: old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
Enb Server Down Excuse #339: manager in the cable duct
Enb Server Down Excuse #340: Well fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
Enb Server Down Excuse #341: HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
Enb Server Down Excuse #342: HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
Enb Server Down Excuse #343: The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
Enb Server Down Excuse #344: Network failure - call NBC
Enb Server Down Excuse #345: Having to manually track the satellite.
Enb Server Down Excuse #346: Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
Enb Server Down Excuse #347: The rubber band broke
Enb Server Down Excuse #348: We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
Enb Server Down Excuse #349: Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
Enb Server Down Excuse #350: paradigm shift...without a clutch
Enb Server Down Excuse #351: PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
Enb Server Down Excuse #352: The cables are not the same length.
Enb Server Down Excuse #353: Second-sytem effect.
Enb Server Down Excuse #354: Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
Enb Server Down Excuse #355: Boredom in the Kernel.
Enb Server Down Excuse #356: the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
Enb Server Down Excuse #357: I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #358: struck by the Good Times virus
Enb Server Down Excuse #359: YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
Enb Server Down Excuse #360: Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
Enb Server Down Excuse #361: Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.
Enb Server Down Excuse #362: Plasma conduit breach
Enb Server Down Excuse #363: Out of cards on drive D:
Enb Server Down Excuse #364: Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
Enb Server Down Excuse #365: parallel processors running perpendicular today
Enb Server Down Excuse #366: ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
Enb Server Down Excuse #367: Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.
Enb Server Down Excuse #368: Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.
Enb Server Down Excuse #369: Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.
Enb Server Down Excuse #370: Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
Enb Server Down Excuse #371: Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
Enb Server Down Excuse #372: Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
Enb Server Down Excuse #373: Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
Enb Server Down Excuse #374: Its the InterNIC's fault.
Enb Server Down Excuse #375: Root name servers corrupted.
Enb Server Down Excuse #376: Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
Enb Server Down Excuse #377: Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
Enb Server Down Excuse #378: Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
Enb Server Down Excuse #379: We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
Enb Server Down Excuse #380: Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
Enb Server Down Excuse #381: Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
Enb Server Down Excuse #382: Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
Enb Server Down Excuse #383: Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
Enb Server Down Excuse #384: It's an ID-10-T error
Enb Server Down Excuse #385: Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
Enb Server Down Excuse #386: The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
Enb Server Down Excuse #387: Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
Enb Server Down Excuse #388: Bad user karma.
Enb Server Down Excuse #389: /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
Enb Server Down Excuse #390: Increased sunspot activity.
Enb Server Down Excuse #391: We already sent around a notice about that.
Enb Server Down Excuse #392: It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
Enb Server Down Excuse #393: Interferance from the Van Allen Belt.
Enb Server Down Excuse #394: Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
Enb Server Down Excuse #395: Redundant ACLs.
Enb Server Down Excuse #396: Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #397: T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
Enb Server Down Excuse #398: Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
Enb Server Down Excuse #399: We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
Enb Server Down Excuse #400: We are Microsoft. What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
Enb Server Down Excuse #401: Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #402: Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
Enb Server Down Excuse #403: Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
Enb Server Down Excuse #404: Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
Enb Server Down Excuse #405: Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
Enb Server Down Excuse #406: Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
Enb Server Down Excuse #407: Route flapping at the NAP.
Enb Server Down Excuse #408: Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
Enb Server Down Excuse #409: The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
Enb Server Down Excuse #410: Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
Enb Server Down Excuse #411: Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
Enb Server Down Excuse #412: Radial Telemetry Infiltration
Enb Server Down Excuse #413: Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
Enb Server Down Excuse #414: tachyon emissions overloading the system
Enb Server Down Excuse #415: Maintence window broken
Enb Server Down Excuse #416: We're out of slots on the server
Enb Server Down Excuse #417: Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.
Enb Server Down Excuse #418: Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
Enb Server Down Excuse #419: Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
Enb Server Down Excuse #420: Feature was not beta tested
Enb Server Down Excuse #421: Domain controler not responding
Enb Server Down Excuse #422: Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
Enb Server Down Excuse #423: It's not RFC-822 compliant.
Enb Server Down Excuse #424: operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
Enb Server Down Excuse #425: stop bit received
Enb Server Down Excuse #426: internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
Enb Server Down Excuse #427: network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
Enb Server Down Excuse #428: Firmware update in the coffee machine
Enb Server Down Excuse #429: Temporal anomaly
Enb Server Down Excuse #430: Mouse has out-of-cheese-error
Enb Server Down Excuse #431: Borg implants are failing
Enb Server Down Excuse #432: Borg nanites have infested the server
Enb Server Down Excuse #433: error: one bad user found in front of screen
Enb Server Down Excuse #434: Please state the nature of the technical emergency
Enb Server Down Excuse #435: Internet shut down due to maintainance
Enb Server Down Excuse #436: Daemon escaped from pentagram
Enb Server Down Excuse #437: crop circles in the corn shell
Enb Server Down Excuse #438: sticky bit has come loose
Enb Server Down Excuse #439: Hot Java has gone cold
Enb Server Down Excuse #440: Cache miss - please take better aim next time
Enb Server Down Excuse #441: Hash table has woodworm
Enb Server Down Excuse #442: Trojan horse ran out of hay
Enb Server Down Excuse #443: Zombie processess detected, machine is haunted.
Enb Server Down Excuse #444: overflow error in /dev/null
Enb Server Down Excuse #445: Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.
Enb Server Down Excuse #446: Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.
Enb Server Down Excuse #447: According to Microsoft, it's by design
Enb Server Down Excuse #448: vi needs to be upgraded to vii
Enb Server Down Excuse #449: greenpeace free'd the mallocs
Enb Server Down Excuse #450: Terorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)

 

/saveforarainyday ;)

[Amethyst]

Someone has tooooo much time on their hands?

[Woodstock HGM [HGM]]

You Forgot one.   Garbage truck backed into the cable run and cut all the wires.   (this really happened to the server on one game i used to play in between original sunset and the new sunrise).

[STRETTCH]

C44K32S DR4WN2D 3N J1V1, N4 SCR3PT F45ND.